


Jar Wars: A New Hoe

by elyjelly



Category: George michael - Fandom, Star Wars, jar jar binks - Fandom, obi wan kenobi - Fandom
Genre: Funny, Satire
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 17:39:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17228411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elyjelly/pseuds/elyjelly
Summary: "Listening to the message attentively, Jar-Jar knew he must help this beautiful woman. He was now a man on a mission. He had to find Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Rebellion’s only hope".





	Jar Wars: A New Hoe

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own these characters nor do I own Leia's iconic speech. I am merely a bored lit student with too much time on my hands.

Jar-Jar ate his day-old porridge with a sort of content that could have only come from a new discovery. Having reflected on his day, he thinks to himself that the wonders of Tatooine have yet to be discovered. Jar-Jar has always been the hopeful type; helping his Aunt Beru with the daily chores, and tending to his Uncle Owen after a long day at work. It wasn’t until today that Jar-Jar realized his true potential. 

It was only just this morning that he looked at the small robot next to him and wished for it to stop that god-awful noise. The beeping hadn’t stopped since he found the thing the night prior. He had tried everything to make it stop: filling it’s speakers with sand, kicking it around the yard, waterboarding it until it shut up. Nothing worked. The fucking robot had absolutely no regard for other people’s feelings.

It came as a complete surprise to him, later, when the thing went silent and started whispering like a maniac. Looking at the ugly piece of metal with utmost distaste, he walked over and kicked it one last time. Right in the face. “That’ll shut it up,” he thought.

Shut up, however, it did not. Suddenly, a loud scream hit the air, and a beautiful woman with weird hair appeared. A hologram, thought Jar-Jar, this thot definitely has money. 

The woman spoke up quickly:  
General Kenobi. Years ago you served my father in the Clone Wars. Now he begs you to help him in his struggle against the Empire. I regret that I am unable to convey my father’s request to you in person, but my ship has fallen under attack, and I’m afraid my mission to bring you to Alderaan has failed. I have placed information vital to the survival of the Rebellion into the memory systems of this R2 unit. My father will know how to retrieve it. You must see this droid safely delivered to him on Alderaan. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.

Listening to the message attentively, Jar-Jar knew he must help this beautiful woman. He was now a man on a mission. He had to find Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Rebellion’s only hope.


End file.
